Song of the week @djsnake-Middle

Song of the week @djsnake-Middle:

Always try to stay in the middle.

via Tumblr http://ift.tt/2CGH8NT Song of the week @djsnake-Middle

Bullied NFL lineman posts shotgun photo, forces high school to close | New York Post

Bullied NFL lineman posts shotgun photo, forces high school to close | New York Post:

I am a huge dolphins fan and remember this incident with Martin. Bullying can cause so much damage and I am living proof of that. This is really a shame and a very sad story.

via Tumblr http://ift.tt/2FqPJqY Bullied NFL lineman posts shotgun photo, forces high school to close | New York Post

Here

There’s a show on HBO that I just completely fell in love with. It’s called Westworld. The premise of the show is very rich people can go to an amusement park called Westworld where they can dress up like cowboys ad they can do whatever they want. Inhabiting the park are hosts. They are Androids that run on what is called a loop. It’s kind of like a routine.

The hosts Eventually start to develop emotions and recall lot of their pain and trauma because as I said earlier the guests can do whatever they want in the park. And I mean anything. This automatically made me think about mental health and questioning my reality.

You see many of us are just trying to live our life. We are running through our loop. And unfortunately trauma that we endured has caused us to inflict pain on people because we felt unapreciated sensitive and unloved. We grew up feeling worthless because of whether we were psychologically abuse physically assaulted or many other horrible things.

Learning DBT the thing that is been the most important to me is learning how to live in the now. Not right now in the present day but actually living right now. Trying to stay with grounding techniques positive self talk and really empathizing with others feelings. Being in a routine is the best but it’s not always practical. Understanding how to navigate when knocked off our loop is key to survival.

Funny how tv makes you think critically sometimes.

#trusttheprocess


via Tumblr http://ift.tt/2GE5rye HereThere’s a show on HBO that I just completely fell in love with. It’s called Westworld. The...

Finding the reset button

Well other than setting a toaster on fire this weekend was a very good one. My wife and I took our kids to the field museum and swimming. We also saw peter rabbit. It was very funny and the move theatre basically ran out of everything. It was nuts.

This pales in comparison of the horrible week I had before. The worst part was nothing really happened to qualify it. It was mainly in my head and my dark side came out. It rips open old wounds for everybody and then trying to reset is so hard.

Pushing the reset button can be one of the most difficult things for us. We all make progress but fall down. And getting back up after trying to get past the shame and embarrassment of having an episode can be very debilitating. Nevertheless we owe it to our family friends and loved ones but most of all ourselves to make that jump. To stand up one more time and try again.

Everyday I do my best I can. That’s all I can do.

That’s all you can do too. But I’m sure your best is fricking awesome.

#trusttheprocess


via Tumblr http://ift.tt/2Ff3qsQ Finding the reset button Well other than setting a toaster on fire this weekend was a very good one....

A New Week

Last week may have sucked but now we have a new week. A time for change.

Let’s all work together to make this week better than last.

#trusttheprocess


via Tumblr http://ift.tt/2Fc7CtB A new week Last week may have sucked but now we have a new week. A time for change. Let’s all work...

SONG OF THE WEEK Fear Factory - replica

It’s an anthem of us who have been picked on inflicted with BPD but don’t want to take it anymore.


via Tumblr http://ift.tt/2EJGKU2 It’s an anthem of us who have been picked on inflicted with BPD...

The race and the marathon

I didn’t write anything at all today because yesterday I had a setback. And although minimal damage was done when bad habits come out doesn’t matter how minimal damage it triggers are it affected memories are brought up wombs are open and sometimes salt is thrown in them.

The one thing I have learned about dialectical behavior therapy it is not easy. In fact it is one of the most difficult things I’ve ever done in my life. Not only have I ripped it open layers of things that have happened to me throughout my life I am also working to change patterns of behavior that i Have exhibited since I was a kid.

My good friend used to always tell me there’s a sprinter and a marathon runner. The sprinter goes for the quick victory because that’s what you doing for a sprint. But life is not a 40 yard dash. Instead it’s a 70 to 80 year marathon. Results don’t come quickly goals do not get accomplished easily and hard work is required to make it all work out. In other words you have to keep the pace in order to achieve victory.

I have made some progress with my mental health over the last year I still have a lot of work to do and I need to remind myself that all those victories have been achieve the ultimate goal which is peace and wellness still is far away. I must keep working at it matter how painful it is but I will get there.
So who’s ready to run the marathon with me.
#TrustTheProcess


via Tumblr http://ift.tt/2F87ew3 The race and the marathon I didn’t write anything at all today because yesterday I had a setback....

Valentine’s Day massacre

Valentine’s Day is supposed to be a happy holiday. Full of love and happiness and shit like that. Well unfortunately I am not happy. I am sure many of us are not happy.

I think about the path of destruction I have left in the many years of my life and Valentine’s Day to me was always a dreaded holiday. No one wanted me to be their valentine. I remember in junior high we always wrote names on a piece of paper to send a rose to their class or put an ad in the student paper expressing love to someone. I never got one except this

Mike I love you from the wabbit.

The wabbit was the students way of bullying me and making fun of me because of a huge speech impediment I had. That was it. So I always hated Valentine’s Day. So when I finally found a girl who loved me enough to bake me a cake for this shitty day I appreciated it so much but it didn’t come out like most times. Because I didn’t worthy of anyone’s love. I felt like a loser. I was told I was one all the time my life people did their best to make me feel like crap so I owned it and became the angriest person on the planet and snapped on anyone including the love of my life.

Since I have been trying to deal with my mental health issues I have lost a lot of people. My medication cocktails the psychiatrists prescribed didn’t work out so I became a different person. I actually reverted to the person I became when I was younger.

I was so depressed then and today is a dark day because I feel like I killed everyone who ever cared for me. Not literally of course. But my actions and decisions to not stabilize my behavior cost me so much. And I sit here reflecting on it.

How do you find your way back? How do you show those you love that you do in fact love them so much?

I know patience and hope are two ways and wait for those to come around. However I feel damage is too severe and it’s all over. Then again the voice in my head is the one telling me that.

I hope you have a wonderful Valentine’s Day. Hold on to those who you love. They love you for a reason and it’s not because you’re worthless or they have pity on you. It’s for real.

#trusttheprocess


via Tumblr http://ift.tt/2Eq5mhb Valentine’s Day massacre Valentine’s Day is supposed to be a happy holiday. Full of love and...

DAY ONE

Hello and welcome to the site.  If you have come here from Facebook, Twitter, IG, or Tumblr. Thank you for joining us.  We will have news on the organization here as well as big time happenings and so much more.  Thanks for being here.  We're glad we are doing this together.

You got Jokes huh?

Dude why are you acting so bipolar?
I feel like I’m acting borderline
This weather is bipolar.

I love that people that say these things don’t even understand what they mean. I remember when I worked someone where one the Transportation providers I used for Transportation started making comments about me being bipolar and thought I was difficult to work with. Little did they know I was battling mental health issues. Same with me. I was just very unhappy and angry most of the time.

I cant help I’m this way. I was diagnosed with bipolar in 2015 and borderline personality disorder in 2016. My symptoms fall more in line with the latter. I remember reading my psychiatric reports about the borderline and how I felt my life was over. I felt like it was the end for me. That I had to go on medication for the rest of my life and it will suck my will to live. To be creative.

It turned me into a monster. The amount of meds I took was off the chart and I didn’t know who I was half the time. When I got of meds my stability returned but many pieces of my life have needed to be put back together and slowly day by day I am a going through that process.

I don’t think both these mental illnesses are something to joke about. They are serious mental conditions that lead to self harm and suicide. Does that sound funny? I just posted a stats article about bipolar. Here’s something chilling:

“30% of individuals with bipolar disorder will attempt suicide during their lives, and 20% will succeed … . Suicide is more common in bipolar depression than in unipolar major depression, panic disorder, or even schizophrenia.

So next time you make a joke about being bipolar think about the serious battle just to wake up in the morning someone inflicted goes through. Just to go to work to drive a car to eat a meal. These things can ordinary to some but many of us with MI struggle.
Thanks for reading. Stick with the process
M

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The Weather Sucks

Do I have seasonal affective disorder? I think so. I hate winter. I can’t stand it. I live in Chicago so I should just be able to deal with that right?

I mean after all when I feel depressed people say I should just snap out of it right?

I would love to move to Florida but no one in my family wants to go so obviously that’s not happening. When things are going kind of bad the winter is just that little kick that makes things feel a little bit worse

But as Harvey Dent one sad that the night is darkest before the dawn and I believe it’s true because whenever I feel like I’ve taken my last breath whenever I feel like I’ve done all I can do and it’s time to give up I don’t. I wait for winter to pass and welcome spring into my life. The other issue is the fact I am so impatient and waiting for spring feels like waiting through five winters. Just as everything in my life I want to happen right away I’ve learned through DBT that nothing will happen right away. I need to stay in the moment stay with what is happening right now and not worry about what is going to happen in the future.

Yes Winter sucks especially in the Windy City. But as seasons move forward life moves forward. Am I ready to move forward with it when I stay in this dirty rotten hole?

I think I will chose the former and learn patience.

Do you feel this way about the weather? Would love to hear your thoughts.

#trusttheprocess

M

via Tumblr http://ift.tt/2EByFR8 polarlines: The weather sucks Do I have seasonal affective disorder? I think so. I hate winter. I...

The Aftermath

So what do you when your feelings go out of control you’re not taking the right care of yourself and things go wrong because of the trigger?
Usually you use your skills and try to avoid the inevitable an episode.
To me the worst about of an episode isn’t what goes on during its what happens after.
The guilt the shame and the reaction of people who got caught in the crossfire is too much to bare. At least it is for me. I am afraid that everyone is scared of me or just annoyed with me thinking I’m being a narcissistic thug and not giving a shit about anyone’s else feelings but my own.

As a person with mental illness I crave one thing peace. It would be the thing that balances everything out. Stability would be the best friend I have been searching for for years. I keep trying to crack the code of a psychotic episode by going back to the before because the during and after I can’t change it. When you see red and start discosiating it becomes terrifying because you don’t know what you can or will do.
Last night I grounded and grounded and grounded again until I felt ok. https://www.healthyplace.com/blogs/dissociativeliving/2017/04/did-and-dbt-use-distress-tolerance-skills-for-dissociation is a site that was very helpful</a>. I guess it may be the best way to battle an episode. Sometimes I play a game on my phone to help bring me back to the here and now.

Nevertheless the after is the hardest thing. The depression I feel after is insurmountable. Good thing I working on DBT skills. Because this will be the topic tomorrow.
Don’t lose your way #trusttheprocess

via Tumblr http://ift.tt/2srZUsv polarlines: The aftermath So what do you when your feelings go out of control you’re not taking the...